Tuesday, November 25, 2008


if home is where the heart is then my home is where you are...

just sayin'.

but anyways, i'm at home in california, and it's good. it's nice to get a break, see my family and friends and get to catch up on everyone's life. but though this place is so familiar, and it's where i grew up and where so many people that i love are... colorado is my home now. the home i have chosen for myself, to live.

i can't wait to get back to my house and roommates and david and snow... all i want to do is ice-skate in the snow. and drink tea while watching the snow fall. (school? work? no thanks.)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

today i finished my research paper. it's like my baby... despite the fact that even bound, it is laying on the floor. but i'll turn it in tomorrow... probably the best paper i've ever written.

i want to go to guatemala. perhaps i'll flee this place (on may 10, 2009) and go there. i'll perfect my spanish, play with children, learn about their culture, battle corruption... all the things i love to do.

today, because i finished my research paper, i took myself out to dinner. i got myself a book from the library and took myself to atlanta bread, where i sat in a booth for an hour. it was delightful.

i like simple things like that. simple, yet out of the ordinary. stir up my life.

i'm looking forward to going home. maybe it will balance me out again... though i do feel so much more like myself than last week and the week before, i'm still wrestling. maybe the california air will clear my senses and i'll breathe again.

Friday, November 14, 2008

it's my fourth real winter, and i'm still absolutely delighted at the first snowfall. it's late this year, but finally here!

i love snow. i could sit inside all day and watch it falling. good thing i have someone to watch it with me this year!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

since my roommate grabbed the shower before i did, i thought i'd write on here. again.

yesterday was a tough day. because of all the stuff about sam and uganda, i didn't have time to really eat breakfast or have my morning coffee (which, thanks to my apparently addictive nature, i have become addicted to), i had a pounding headache all day that wouldn't go away with the help of ibuprofen. a headache and the loss of hope in humanity is not a good way to spend a day.

but, after talking and praying with some of the girls from the team, i felt better. and then a simple hug from the only man for me, i felt even better and slept soundly, without dreams.

how amazing is that while he and i have these weird jokes and sayings from that far-off place, we can also process and share joys and heartbreaks together? though it's true that he doesn't react nearly the same as i do, he still understands without me having to explain anything to him. (people don't understand how we talk to each other sometimes... just know that we're not being rude, we're being ugandan. ha.)

i talked to his sister's boyfriend last night, and felt so lucky to have david here with me. however much i'm sad when he goes away for the weekend, he comes back to me. and though we'll be apart for a week soon and two weeks soon after that, we get to come back here and be together and after that, who knows when we'll have to be apart again?

patience. that's what i learn all the time.

the yellow leaves are falling outside, and maybe the smell that invades my senses when i step out of the door is fall again. it's november 4 (election day! finally, it's over.) and it still hasn't snowed. i love the seasons. i can't wait for the beginning of each.

Monday, November 3, 2008


i feel like someone just died. and in a sense, he did. my view of him did. the man that joked with us, lead us in bible studies every morning, took care of us, gave us advice, and loved us... isn't who we thought he was.


is there anywhere in africa that isn't corrupt? i'm discouraged...

i'm discouraged for myself and the fact that i know even less what i want to do with my life. i can't handle the corruption and sadness and hopelessness of africa...
i'm discouraged for ash and the fact that her trip that she was planning to take back to dorcas (uganda) this summer has fallen apart with a simple email.
i'm SO discouraged for chris and kami. they gave so much of themselves to this home and those boys...
i'm so sad and discouraged for the girls (and boys) at dorcas. what are they going to do?

i don't understand. i'm mad and i'm sad and i feel like i've just lost someone. and i have.