Monday, April 28, 2008


heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like You have loved me

break my heart for what breaks Your's
everything i am for Your kingdom's cause
as i walk from earth into eternity...

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

we're up to veinte-uno in flashcards.

thanks to the best spring break road trip ever, i discovered derek webb. all his songs make me think, and remind me of the things that i have already thought.

i want to always live right around the corner from something big... and to be a part of it.

i'm realizing how many opportunities and blessings i really do have... i already have too many things that i could be a part of next year. what a change from last year! it's amazing to invest extensive time in someone, especially kids. i'll be working with the same kids that i've worked with the past two summers again this summer, and i'm finally excited about it. the brady's said that even though i could only work 10 hours next year, they still want me. i love those kids. i love knowing them, and sharing bits of my life with them. i hope that i can teach them something... as they teach me daily.

i draw crappy chalk stick figures, i run barefoot through flowers, i play with rolie-polies (pill bugs? potato bugs? i asked my brit lit teacher today... she didn't know either), i chase boys on scooters with a backpack full of procrastinated homework, i sing loud and proud with open windows to the high school musical 2 soundtrack, i play with barbies, my feet are always dirty, i tie soccer cleats, i stop and smell the flowers, i run through sprinklers... and i love it.

apparently i've had overseas experience. tammy asked me, today, to describe those experiences. i did, and i remembered that i love that i got lost alone in the middle of paris in the middle of the night... that i held my own for three months in spain... that i did it all. that all i had was God. when all that i could cling to was God, i clung desperately. and He was there. He was there the whole time... sometimes it's hard to see Him like that in this context... and sometimes i wish i could go back just to be reminded. and because i miss those places. He revealed Himself in such different ways in every place i've been, and...

i'm getting so antsy to leave for uganda. 20 days. it's been months away for, well, months, but now it's almost here. i'm ready. i can't wait to see how He reveals Himself there, too. to see what happens.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


this reminds me of the future. is that possible?

i ate this for dinner on monday. they spilled across the counter and i thought of when daniel (7 years old) asked me what the peace symbol on my nalgene was. (today i taught daniel to count to ten in spanish, and we did his flashcards in spanish. and i realized how much of an impact i can have and have had on these kids. and that maybe i could teach them things that their parents can't.)

welcome to colorado in april. the trees are blooming, the robins are nesting, and it is snowing. oh, and i wear flip-flops in the snow now.

i forgot to wear sunscreen yesterday, and am now sunburnt. but it's snowing outside right now... i feel like after a few weeks of summer, i've fallen back into winter. good thing i still get excited about snow, like i did three years ago when i left california for that far off land somewhere north of lakewood.

i am inspired often. by books, by people, by the weather, by what we talk about in class... i love learning. i love being reminded of my potential.

in a few weeks, i'll be 21. and then comes uganda. i'm excited. i wish i could think of better words to use to describe what i'm feeling... it's a very full feeling. after almost a month in uganda (holding babies, playing with kids, blowing bubbles, reading books...), we get to spend a while in amsterdam. i was looking at hostels online earlier, and realized how much i do miss europe. it's part of my heart now. that happens to me, i guess. i wish i could live there again, but this time i would bring someone with me. and then the loneliness would not be there, and i could take europe in fully, and be fully myself. (i really do miss it a lot when i let myself)

music (paper bird at this very moment), coffee brewing noisily, a cup of good earth tea, snow falling softly outside, and a dark apartment.

it smells like a coffee shop in here, and i just realized that that may be one of my favorite smells.

Friday, April 11, 2008

eso es

apparently i just really like creating blogs. i'll start one, post on it once or twice, and then create another one. i'm going to try to stick with this one.

one month from tomorrow, and i've already started to pack. i'm sitting in my living room, looking at my map of the world. it feels good to own that map, for some reason. it'll move with me from home to home...
this year has brought new dreams... many of them. i want to go everywhere. i have no idea what this feeling of preparation is for... this feeling of great anticipation. God is showing me that when I trust Him, He really does do things that I couldn't even have imagined.

i'm listening to anberlin... haven't listened to them in a while. the song "time and confusion" is interesting... and when i say interesting, it's kind of how i'm feeling right now. they're singing the thoughts that i haven't been able to formulate yet.

"It's not about the money we make
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster?"

i'm thankful. and excited. somedays the excitement turns into worry... but mostly, i'm excited. and trying to learn not to worry so much!

i can't wait...
to explore uganda.
to let children play with my hair.
to hug them.
to read books to them, and then give them those books to keep.
to teach them what i can.
to learn from them what they have to teach me.
to sleep on the floor, encased in a mosquito net.
to love.
to feel my heart expand.
to feel my heart break.
to dance! and sing!
to be dirty.
to find beauty in everything.
to smile.
to cry.
to learn.
to realize.
to plan.
to grow.
to dance in the rain.
to be covered in red dirt and laughter and love.

a song that i listen to over and over again is "do you feel" by the rocket summer. makes me think.

quiero hablar mas español. gracias a los que me hablan en español. me pone feliz.

confio en Dios.