Life, again.

So I'm home again, where I love being. Even though there are so many people that I love and miss in California, Colorado is definitely my home now. I love being able to see the mountains... They ground me. I love the storms that roll in in the evenings... I love our little church, his new apartment, my garden-level apartment that is overrun with giant bugs (and is spacious and quiet and wonderful)... I love this new coffee shop that belongs in Europe... Yeah. This is good.

There was a wedding shower on Saturday, and it was great. I felt loved and blessed, and am so excited for more times like those.

I'm being productive and telling myself that I'm on an extended vacation. If I look at unemployment that way, and know that I won't run out of money before I can find a job, then I'll be okay. Hopefully I don't get used to this lazy lifestyle... But it's good for now.

Do I not have a college degree?

Do I not have skills?


Darn economic recession.

Jobs.

I'm searching, searching, searching... for a job. That will start mid-August. And pay me. And not kill me. And give me time off to get married (and go on a honeymoon). And that is in Denver.
I'm talking to a few families that need a nanny... I applied with Water For People (two open positions!), but they have hundreds of applicants. That makes me a little sick to my stomach!

Anyways, prayers would be appreciated. As would suggestions.

Family.

I love my family. The one that I have, and that one that I will have... It's good to belong. Being a part of such an amazing family teaches me... about life, love, everything. And I'm so lucky to get to be a part of this new family in 166 days, and to start my own little family then too.

I love that she accidentally already called me her daughter-in-law, and that my dad calls him just to chat and hear about his life, and that I get to have a sister, and just everything. It's good. I'm thankful.

I have a pile of books by my bed, the promise of a bike ride on vintage bikes, and a weekend looming.

What could be better?

The new apartment makes me antsy.

We signed the lease for our marriage apartment! David gets to live in it this fall... I'm jealous.

Just picture this. It smells old, the doors and windows stick, the floors are made of wood, it has doorknobs like the ones at my parents' house, the windows open in (instead of out or up!), and it has a reading nook. And it's not in Lakewood. It's in Wash Park, Denver! Oh, man, I can't wait to move in. It's perfect!

Being able to picture where we'll start our life together makes me even more antsy. Six months (from yesterday), and there are so many things I must do and think about before it comes... But I just can't wait!

I've become strangely afraid of things that never seemed to bother me before. It's weird. And it kind of inhibits me. So I need to get over it, or something... I don't really know what's wrong with me.

I need a job. I have one now, one that exhausts and frustrates me... The babies are adorable and cuddly and clumsy, but I'm ready to move on. I'm so thankful for it now, but it's hard to be in the moment when I know that I need to get another job in the next month. I also need to stop being so picky... No one finds their dream job right out of college (which I didn't), or even the fall after college. That's silly. It's also silly that I have no idea what my dream job is. I guess that's what this is, right now... Discovering myself, yet again. Gaining confidence (or not) in my abilities... I guess I should look at this as an adventure. It is kind of fun... I could do whatever I want! Except for this darn economy... Cool, parents, thanks for birthing me 22 years before a recession. I really appreciate it.

I'll just leave with you a picture of the view from our camping spot last weekend.

Tornados and working like an adult.

We've been having thunderstorms (and tornado watches!) every day here for the past few weeks. Welcome to life outside of California, I guess! This is the first summer that I have ever spent away from home, and it's good for me. I miss home, and Swim & Gym, and my friends, and family, and farmer's markets, and everything. But I love this place and these people, and I'm really content for once. I'm totally in transition, and just want to be married and move into the most amazing apartment ever (provided we actually get it!), but I'm thankful that I am where I am. These roommates are good, as are the friends that live a short bike ride away, and the fact that David is across the street is great too. And though my job isn't my favorite, it's a job and I'm learning a lot. Strangely enough.

I love the weekends, and garage sales and the farmer's market (that has one fruit stand. ONE!). And riding my bike, and smiling. And cuddling, and planning this big party that's happening in January (the 2nd, to be precise!). And hearing Spanish spoken all day, and learning how to raise a baby, and letting my pride fall by the wayside. And learning that it's okay to work just to work, and to be thankful that I have a job that pays above minimum wage.

And I bought David's computer (with my graduation money!), and it's beautiful. Hurray! I'm optimistic about life, and it's not even Friday yet!

And Samuel is coming in one week, and I'm so excited. We're going to have so many adventures!!