i live here.
http://www.i-live-here.com
i read some of it in comparative politics class today, instead of listening. (do i usually listen? no.) and two and a half hours later, i'm still sitting in it. it's probably innappropriate to cry in class, so here i sit. with tears in my throat, aching to come out. i looked over my uganda pictures again, looked into their eyes. the fact that i've been to and/or affected deeply by people from three out of the four of the countries documented in this book... kinda gets me.
burma.
malawi (africa).
juarez (mexico).
when ye ye points to burma (myanmar) on my map and says "green!" because it's her favorite color, after taking my hand and laughing and leading me on a tour of my own home...
when philipo, not an orphan, cries desperately to be held... when a six year old girl smashes her hand in a water pump and her family is silent against her screams of pain...
when four trips to mexico during my teenage years changes the course of my life...
when i read this book and i realize that what i want to fight for is right and just and true. and i don't know how to do this. i feel stuck in school... too busy to do what i want to do. i'm scared but so ready to graduate. how can i make money to pay rent and eat and save some for the future (!) doing a job i love and am passionate about? where do i find that? i'm scared of not finding it, and always feeling like i'm moving towards it but never reaching it..........
i don't even know what it is i want. want to do. sometimes i feel like i know nothing.
how to live it out now? i'm tired. and shouldn't be. my priorities are not right most of the time... i wish i could make them right.
would leaving again help me figure it out? should i just go and sit in the red dirt and hold a naked child and figure it out there? i want to. but that's so hard for me. i don't know. i'm scared. and absolutely thrilled.
take me. send me. anywhere.
1 comment:
Loving your blog. Last night there was a speaker at PCC who walked across the States for a year, just to experience life with no schedule, expecting God to show up and move and expecting to follow Jesus. Brave woman. Made me want to do something like that. Anyways, maybe it could help to talk to people who have done great things for people in need and see what led them to that place, or read books they've written. or something. God will lead you as you listen to Him. Because He is the most important.
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