I can hardly believe that there are only three weeks left... It's crazy!

But yeah, life is great. I love my job - I even get to stay there longer than I originally thought! There might be a position opening up that I can apply for, as well. Our church is amazing - we've become part of the core team, and are in a new house church together! I'm in a girls' group as well, which is amazing... We're moving to a bigger building to accommodate for our growing community, and we even have kids in the children's ministry! I get to marry the most amazing man, and move into this adorable apartment (though it is kind of cold and smells like weed and cigarettes...)! I love Colorado, even when it's 0 degrees outside and I can't get warm... Our friends are here, my new family-in-law, my job, our church.... It's amazing.

Oh, love.

Alissa and Coop got married yesterday.... It was so beautiful. I feel so blessed to have been a part of the day, and to have seen their relationship develop.

And we're next!

Fall.

Ah yes, here it is again. Today is the last day of summer, but it snowed in the foothills. I'm ready for fall, for this new season of life to start...

Life is slower when it's cold out. Chai, coffee shops, scarves, sweaters... I just love it.

It also always reminds me of Spain. And where I've been and what I've seen and learned. It's good for me... Makes me feel peaceful.

All I've written about lately is my lack of a job.

But I have one now! I'm working (only temporarily, until mid-January/February) for Denver Rescue Mission as their Donor Database Assistant. I'm so thankful for this job... It will be great experience, and I think I'll really enjoy working there. I start on Thursday, so my extended vacation is finally over!

So many good things coming up... Jenny comes to visit for a few days, Alissa and Coop are getting married in two weeks (so amazing!), and then David and I follow three months after them.

Life is good. Thanks for all of your prayers!

I'm still job-less.

And really discouraged.

Life, again.

So I'm home again, where I love being. Even though there are so many people that I love and miss in California, Colorado is definitely my home now. I love being able to see the mountains... They ground me. I love the storms that roll in in the evenings... I love our little church, his new apartment, my garden-level apartment that is overrun with giant bugs (and is spacious and quiet and wonderful)... I love this new coffee shop that belongs in Europe... Yeah. This is good.

There was a wedding shower on Saturday, and it was great. I felt loved and blessed, and am so excited for more times like those.

I'm being productive and telling myself that I'm on an extended vacation. If I look at unemployment that way, and know that I won't run out of money before I can find a job, then I'll be okay. Hopefully I don't get used to this lazy lifestyle... But it's good for now.

Do I not have a college degree?

Do I not have skills?


Darn economic recession.

Jobs.

I'm searching, searching, searching... for a job. That will start mid-August. And pay me. And not kill me. And give me time off to get married (and go on a honeymoon). And that is in Denver.
I'm talking to a few families that need a nanny... I applied with Water For People (two open positions!), but they have hundreds of applicants. That makes me a little sick to my stomach!

Anyways, prayers would be appreciated. As would suggestions.

Family.

I love my family. The one that I have, and that one that I will have... It's good to belong. Being a part of such an amazing family teaches me... about life, love, everything. And I'm so lucky to get to be a part of this new family in 166 days, and to start my own little family then too.

I love that she accidentally already called me her daughter-in-law, and that my dad calls him just to chat and hear about his life, and that I get to have a sister, and just everything. It's good. I'm thankful.

I have a pile of books by my bed, the promise of a bike ride on vintage bikes, and a weekend looming.

What could be better?

The new apartment makes me antsy.

We signed the lease for our marriage apartment! David gets to live in it this fall... I'm jealous.

Just picture this. It smells old, the doors and windows stick, the floors are made of wood, it has doorknobs like the ones at my parents' house, the windows open in (instead of out or up!), and it has a reading nook. And it's not in Lakewood. It's in Wash Park, Denver! Oh, man, I can't wait to move in. It's perfect!

Being able to picture where we'll start our life together makes me even more antsy. Six months (from yesterday), and there are so many things I must do and think about before it comes... But I just can't wait!

I've become strangely afraid of things that never seemed to bother me before. It's weird. And it kind of inhibits me. So I need to get over it, or something... I don't really know what's wrong with me.

I need a job. I have one now, one that exhausts and frustrates me... The babies are adorable and cuddly and clumsy, but I'm ready to move on. I'm so thankful for it now, but it's hard to be in the moment when I know that I need to get another job in the next month. I also need to stop being so picky... No one finds their dream job right out of college (which I didn't), or even the fall after college. That's silly. It's also silly that I have no idea what my dream job is. I guess that's what this is, right now... Discovering myself, yet again. Gaining confidence (or not) in my abilities... I guess I should look at this as an adventure. It is kind of fun... I could do whatever I want! Except for this darn economy... Cool, parents, thanks for birthing me 22 years before a recession. I really appreciate it.

I'll just leave with you a picture of the view from our camping spot last weekend.

Tornados and working like an adult.

We've been having thunderstorms (and tornado watches!) every day here for the past few weeks. Welcome to life outside of California, I guess! This is the first summer that I have ever spent away from home, and it's good for me. I miss home, and Swim & Gym, and my friends, and family, and farmer's markets, and everything. But I love this place and these people, and I'm really content for once. I'm totally in transition, and just want to be married and move into the most amazing apartment ever (provided we actually get it!), but I'm thankful that I am where I am. These roommates are good, as are the friends that live a short bike ride away, and the fact that David is across the street is great too. And though my job isn't my favorite, it's a job and I'm learning a lot. Strangely enough.

I love the weekends, and garage sales and the farmer's market (that has one fruit stand. ONE!). And riding my bike, and smiling. And cuddling, and planning this big party that's happening in January (the 2nd, to be precise!). And hearing Spanish spoken all day, and learning how to raise a baby, and letting my pride fall by the wayside. And learning that it's okay to work just to work, and to be thankful that I have a job that pays above minimum wage.

And I bought David's computer (with my graduation money!), and it's beautiful. Hurray! I'm optimistic about life, and it's not even Friday yet!

And Samuel is coming in one week, and I'm so excited. We're going to have so many adventures!!

Dreams.

In all the craziness of finals, graduation, visits from people that I love, wedding planning, a new job, it seems that I've forgotten my dreams. I feel stuck in this place, in this job and time. And I'm not happy about that. But a visit from one of my dear old roommates yesterday rekindled in me some dreams.

So I will work on remembering who I am, why I am, and that I can work just to pay off my loans and save some money so we can GO.

Bought the dress today.

Is January 2 here yet?

Living.

I can't wait to be married.

On a slightly different note, I was asked today why David and I aren't living together. My coworker could hardly believe it. Clearly it's the best choice - you get to know each other before you get married (like, how he squeezes the toothpaste tube. It could be really annoying!), you have a roommate/cheaper rent, you don't make a huge mistake by marrying someone that you couldn't live with... e t c, e t c.

That makes me sad - that it's a normal thing. The thought never even crossed my mind. But my roommates (the two other engaged ones) have been getting the same questions lately. I'm glad we're not living together - it means I get to live with great friends for the time being! And I can't wait to be married, but that will come when it comes (seven months from tomorrow).

I'm reading a great book - but I don't remember what it's called right now. It's about Saddam Hussein's pilot's daughter. It's by her, and about her. So interesting. Thanks to my mom's amazing garage sale skills, that book is in my possession, along with a coffee table book by the same woman. Amazing.

We made a wedding website!!

http://www.davidelise.com

Will I ever find a job that I absolutely love all of the time? I guess that's not really realistic... But I still wish I could. Working with kids is super tiring. And maybe a 'real' full-time job would be better. But I get discouraged and think that I'll never actually get to do what I want to do. That's a silly thought, though, because I have absolutely no idea what I actually want to do!

I am so thankful that I have a job (for the summer), and my coworkers seem nice and the babies are adorable... And I am really glad that I'm living where I'm living, with the girls that I'm living with. It's good, and the apartment has a beautiful view that makes me feel like I'm flying when I sit in my living room. And David is still right across the street.

And it's summer!!! Which is wonderful.

So I am thankful and happy to be where I am. I just feel like I'm in such a transitional period (different job, home, roommates in two-ish months...), and that's hard sometimes.

I love this picture, and the woman who took it, and the man in it with me.

Time with family, David, Jenny, roommates (new and old!), and friends has been amazing. I'm almost actually ready to start working tomorrow...

Best.

Best birthday flowers I ever had.

No big deal...

No big deal... I just turned in my last two assignments. Ever! It's so crazy.

Saw the new apartment... I'll live there for three months or so... And then onto another. And then another a few months after that. I am thankful for a place to lay my head, but I just wish I wasn't so transient in this time. Things are completely uncertain for the fall...

No matter how terrified I am at times of what is coming after January 1, I just wish it would get here. I don't want to move three times in the next eight months. I want to live in our apartment, together.

Change is still scary. But I am anxious for this season to pass. For my parents to get here, to celebrate graduation with those I love most, to have a week of relaxation. In a hammock.

To see old friends and new, and to start working again. To make money and save it, instead of spending it all away.

And I'm almost 22. I keep forgetting. I guess 22 is old enough, but my brain is too full today to process that in addition to everything else.

Life in Spring.

This post is for Jenny.

La vida buena.

Pandora(.com).

Over The Rhine (radio).

Endless hours of happiness, joy, and peace.

I can't choose a favorite song!

Okay, chosen. 'Blue Eyes' by Timmy Curran. Done.


Oh, and here comes graduation. Get me out of here.

I long for a week with my best friend and my parents... In, you know, just a little bungalow in Denver. With my own bedroom. And a hammock. A book? Maybe a movie? Hopefully the sun will be out... I'll sit in the hammock and wile the day away.

Oh, how life changes. It's so scary, and hard sometimes. But I'm thankful for those around me who support me, and us. I do love this.

Transitions...

Have always been hard for me. I always wait desperately for them to come and then cry about it later. Weird. This one, this next year, is going to be the biggest transition ever! But we get to do it together, and live in the grass and the trees and the sun... Together. Even though it will be hard... Engagement and marriage... We'll drive each other crazy. Oh, we already do! I'm excited about this. We love it. [edit: David insists that we don't drive each other crazy... Duly noted.]

Bloom is a magical place. Eh, that sounds weird. But people are sincere, in music and words and deeds, and I feel at home there. I never wear shoes, anymore, there. Even when rain turns to snow. But we remembered, yesterday, to take pleasure in the simple things. I love the encouragement that that idea is. Okay, I'll do that. Thanks!

Wishes.

I wish I could start every day like today. Walking, talking, sun...

Wonderful.

Summer.

I'm ready for summer. Two and a half weeks!

I love riding bikes... iced coffee... laying on the grass... garage sales... laughing...

Even when we're all working full-time like real adults, it will still be summer. And there will be a pool. And we'll live just across the street. What more could we want?

Unmotivation and love.

I am entirely unmotivated today. I want nothing to do with school, work, anything. I want to make no effort whatsoever. But, life doesn't work like that. So here's what I've been thinking about lately.

Today I was listening to a radio show (not NPR, though I do LOVE NPR). The DJs were talking about marriage and diamond rings and such. One of them insisted that women will not stand for a cubic zirconium, blah blah blah. The reason he gave was that women get married "for the ring and the pageantry at the wedding". It's all for show, basically. It's all for everyone else. It's all superficial.

Nope. That's not it at all! It made me really sad... I want so much for our lives, our marriage.

I love him. I'm learning how to love him better, less selfishly. It's hard, but I'm learning.

I also love sunny days that turn into rain, walking hand-in-hand with Claire, listening to her sing made-up songs for 10+ minutes... It's so sweet. I also love weekends.

I realized a few days ago that my life will be completely, COMPLETELY, different in a year from now. I'm about to graduate college... Which means I'm done with school. Which means the routine and the way the year has worked all of my life is about to change. And then 8 months after that, we'll be married. And that's a HUGE, WONDERFUL change.

I'm excited for the advice people have to give us. If you're reading this, and you have any advice for engagement/wedding/marriage, please help. Thanks.

Spring and what to do with sprouting onions.

I don't normally eat onions. I can't cut them without wearing goggles or my eyes will burn like death... The consistency is weird and slimy. I really do like the taste, but don't want to have to go through the work or unforunate sliminess. However, I bought one a few weeks ago. They must've been on sale. As much as I try to eat the food that I have and not buy frivolously, I forgot about the onion in all of the excitement. Poor onion. I returned from spring break to see that he had sprouted (a lot) in the week I was gone. There's no eating him now, I thought.

What to do with a sprouted onion? It's raining today, and spring is finally sprung.

So... I planted the onion. Maybe he'll grow.


Spring and sprouts remind me of the resurrection. We read all four accounts of it this morning... After dark Friday, I can't wait for our celebration tonight.

I am greatly looking forward to this summer... Fresh fruit, garage sales and flea markets, yoga with friends, devouring books with no motivation except my own, speaking/hearing Spanish... all of it. Being a college graduate will be a plus too.

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

- Bertrand Russell

I found this quote today and thought it appropriate. It's how I want to live my life.

Anyways, I said I would write more about spring break. I'd have to say it was the best one ever, though not as relaxing as I had hoped before it began. He proposed to me and I said yes. And screamed a lot. I was completely surprised, which was sweet. We spent hours and days with my family, and it was the perfect start to life. I feel so blessed to get to know this man, to spend time with him, laughing and talking and driving and just everything.

And now it's hard to return to school... classes and work and work again and homework and sleep and everything that just seems to get in the way of life. I just want to sit in this - to know him better and learn all that I want and need to learn.

I'm so excited to see where God leads us. What he teaches us through each other and through life. I'm so excited that I get to live life along with David.... It's gonna be fun.

I can hardly believe it. David and I are engaged! And I'm so happy.

Love is an interesting thing. A wonderful thing. And I'm learning more and more about it, how to love and how to receive love.

I'll write more later.

Snow day!!

Today is a snow day! Amazing. It's beautiful and peaceful and I love it.

My first snow day ever.

Jobs.

Oh, I have a job. And I think I'll like it.

Spring break starts tomorrow at 5:30pm for me... And it couldn't have come sooner!

Tea.

Since I got sick on Thursday, I've been rediscovering the joys of tea. Last night I had a cup of 'Tension Tamer' (which is delicious despite the lame name), and found this quote on the back of the box.

It's talking about wildflowers...

"We can only hope to be like them, serene, aware, confident, surely born of simply sun, water and time".

And that reminds me of Matthew 6, where it talks of the lilies of the field. "They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you?" (Matthew 6:28-31)

I'm always glad for reminders.

out of here.

I bought my cap, gown, and tassel today. I guess it's official - I'm graduating in two months.

And now I just want to go. To India, to Nepal, to Argentina, to Peru, to Equatorial Guinea... anywhere. And I want to live life there or here or anywhere and I want to live in life's beauty and know God and be confident and love wholeheartedly... God, myself, everyone. I want to live out all that we just keep talking about. Good intentions, knowledge... great. Let's just go.

But I guess first I need to find a job that will pay me more than minimum wage (so I can live: "livable wages"), and cheap housing and an attitude that lets me LOVE wherever I'm at.

So this weekend I will research human rights issues in the form of hunger and diseases, and I will shop at Azteca Ranch Market (and eat free samples at Whole Foods), and I will sleep in and do yoga and drink coffee.

And the week will start over yet again until it is spring break. Then I will go home and SLEEP. And eat their food. And glean their knowledge. And come back again and love this place for another month until I'm thrown out into the REAL WORLD.

And I want to love God like I always have. And have the faith of a child. And that I will learn to do again.

I could probably handle life as it was today. I think I'd even enjoy it.


My candle is flickering on my 1-year-markdown-beautiful-flowers...


Muhammad Yunus, "Banker for the Poor". Read it.


I love Denver's sunny days. And all the days, but I love the sunny ones. I can't wait to live here this summer... and until further notice.


Madelyn and Kaila come tomorrow... It's been 2 1/2 years since I've seen either of them. I've changed, and so have they, and I'm really looking forward to these next few days with them.

Life as I know it.

Life as I know it is about to change. Sometime soon I want to write about my whole college career... so much has happened. So much has changed. I had an interview with the Dalit Freedom Network on Wednesday... I'm not sure if anything will come of it, but it was so interesting just to be there. The woman I met was great, and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about a possible job for me (when/if money comes in), even going so far as to suggest that she might need some sort of assistant. So, if you're wanting to donate to a great non-profit anytime soon, DFN should be the one! But really - they do amazing things. They are a branch of OM and work with the Dalits (the "untouchables", the lowest caste in India). They provide schooling, healthcare, support groups, and jobs for the Dalits. They are doing amazing work, and you should definitely check them out. Oh, how I would love to be a part of that. To work for an organization like that right out of college would be amazing. But I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and still searching and sending out resumes like crazy! [If anyone has any connections with non-profits or humanitarian organizations here in Denver, let me know!] I'm just so ready to move on. I LOVE the kids I nanny for... They're so precious. They drive me absolutely crazy, but little moments keep me going.
Running with Claire on the playground
Reading with Daniel
Laughing with Katie and Jen
Having real conversations with them
Sharing my life with them
Singing along to music: High School Musical, Disney Princesses, Taylor Swift, and Coop's cd.

There's so much more that I love, but these things keep me going. And I love the things I do and the girls I live with and my friends and life right now... But I feel stagnant. The things they try to preach at us in chapel make me want to run away screaming from this place. I'm so done with force-fed Christianity... I'm already living it (I hope), and want to live it for real, in the real world. Get me out of this bubble!

Anyways... So much has happened in college, and I can't wait to read my journals and just process through it. That will have to wait, though, until May 9. I can't wait to see what's next in life!

Oh, I want to travel again. I already miss it like crazy. I'm content right now, waiting for the next chapter, but I want that next chapter to include a trip. Just one. Please? If I worked for DFN (dreamin', here), I could go to India! That would be amazing. I already listen to the Slumdog Millionare soundtrack everyday... I'm pretty much an expert on Indian culture, now.
No, but really. I would love to go there. Nepal, maybe? Peru? Africa again? We'll see.

I need to have a garage sale come May... I have too much stuff for living how I want to live.

I can't believe it's already been a year.
I also can't believe it's only been a year.

Today I went wedding dress shopping with some friends... What a good way to spend Valentine's Day! The friend that was looking found her dress, and she has only been engaged a week! It was beautiful and I am so glad I got to be a part of it.

I'm pretty excited for my turn... Trying to be patient and content where I'm at, which I am... but I'm also experiencing engagements and trying on dresses with my friends and roommates, and I can hardly wait. What a sweet time of life.

Love 146.

www.love146.org

Margaret Walker said that [Love] “makes you big inside.” It is an ever expansion, an invitation, a freedom. Love is the greatest gift of all. Love lives in each one of us and invites others in. Love is found in the faces of mothers, fathers, friends. It lives in the hands that bring healing and end slavery. It breathes through words that give freedom and break chains. Love frees each child from a disgusting cage and whispers,



I am in a class this semester, a directed study about global human rights.




And that is all we can do. Stand together. Hold the babies and the children and show them love. And I don't yet know how to do that, how to go or stay and just love... I'm learning, I guess. And sometimes I get discouraged. Sometimes I think that I'll never be able to do that. But then I realize how much I've learned and grown in the past four years alone, and I am overcome with anticipation for what is next. And we will do it together, and we will love together.

And this: Nelson Mandela said “education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

That's all for now.

Superbowl weekend.

This has been a good weekend. Homework fits into the times when we're home, in between all the times spent with people that are important to us.

I learn through this and these. I'm thankful for my friends... all of them. I'm trying to be a better friend... not so selfish and self-conscious. To love everyone, no matter what.

I love Sunday mornings... coffee in bed, yoga, reading... I should get some homework done, but I have better things to do!

I love living with five other girls. I'm going to miss this when it ends... I'm going to miss these girls. I hope that I can be intentional when college is done, intentional enough to spend the time that I need to with the people that I love.

This is a good semester. Busy, but less busy... I'll do fine in my classes and focus on my friends and the people that I love. Oh, and finding people to live with and a job, too. That'd be good.

[I love Janae's playlist for after her shower... She's a good playlist-maker!]


Also, superbowl weekend last year was when everything started. The most stressful and traumatic weekend of my life, the best one that led to the best thing. I wanted to say that I can't believe how far we've come, but I can't because it seemed to lead to this all along.

I love Bloom, my church. It's honest and deep and so good.

www.bloomworship.com

Sun & Snow.

There has been sun and snow in the last week... This is why I love Colorado.

I love free sample days at Whole Foods, amazing movies that make me want to go to India, tea, coffee, gray skies, blue skies, sleeping, yoga (yogalates!), inspirational classes, Bloom (worship, people, the series), green dresses, scarves, him, roommates, candles, pier 1 75% off sales, CBC friends, missing Uganda, 18 degree weather, being a part of history this week... and so much more.

StrengthsQuest

My StrengthsQuest results were:

Empathy
Developer
Connectedness
Belief
Input

Has anyone ever taken this before? What were your top five strengths?

"Shall We Dance"

I watched "Shall We Dance", the movie with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, once last semester and once over break (with David's mom). It's not that I love the movie, though it is interesting, it's just that one quote struck me and has stuck with me these past few weeks.

"We need a witness to our lives. In a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

I like that. I know that's not all of it, by any means, but I like the way it's said, and what it makes me think and realize. I believe that there is much more to it, more that people strive towards and ways in which to glorify God. But it makes me think.


I went to a retreat in the mountains this weekend... And that is part of the reason I love living in Colorado. The mountains are so beautiful. I love the crisp air, the endless trees and snow on the ground and hills and valleys and everything. I love breathing up there. I wish we had had more time, less time in meetings and more time to just be in the air, but I'll take what I can get.

I get to take StrengthsQuest today for my Senior Seminar class. I keep hearing about it, and it has made me quite curious. I'll post my findings later.

Today.

I just want to be better about being intentional with people. That's what this semester needs to be, as I have a bit more free time than last semester. I realize that I feel pulled in different directions all the time... but there are relationships that are really important to me that I want to make time for. Especially roommates and girl friends. So starting this weekend, I'm going to be purposeful about pursuing those friendships. I won't let my insecurities get in the way!

Retreat this weekend... and another in three weeks.

House church every other week... So much fun. I love getting involved in things and in people's lives outside of the CCU bubble.

I paid off one of my loans today... Pretty exciting. It feels good to be a responsible adult.

I'm nervous about my living situation and job after graduation...

postsecret.blogspot.com