Viajes

Denver, part II.

2010-02-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

I am now gainfully employed. In my first grown-up job! With benefits, 401k, and no end in sight. I am thrilled and so incredibly thankful. I get to fill my days with sweet children and their formerly homeless and/or addicted mothers, helping them learn self-sufficiency and good life skills, and how to love and raise their children well, and how to have healthy relationships, and everything. The Children's Coordinator at Champa House - That's me!

Denver.

2010-02-22T18:12:00.000-08:00

I seriously love living in Denver. Why? So many things... I love the snow, and the sun that melts it away the next day. The random bars and coffee shops that crop up where you least expect them. The old, old buildings. It's Colorado - we wake up to the mountains every day!

Anyways, I never thought that I would find a place in the United States - or anywhere, for that matter - that I could see myself living in forever. Never leaving. Not that I want to do that, but if it were to happen... I think I would be okay.

A new job possibility is on the horizon as the end of my time at MOC looms. Most of me is dreading the leaving, the being away from it and them, but then there's a part of me... That knows there is something better. That realizes that I am capable of anything I set my mind to. That I'm not just passionate... I'm kinda talented (not really sure what at, yet), and I'm "part of the family".

And being married... It's great. I get to live and do life with my best friend. What could be better?

2009-12-13T10:14:00.001-08:00

I can hardly believe that there are only three weeks left... It's crazy!

But yeah, life is great. I love my job - I even get to stay there longer than I originally thought! There might be a position opening up that I can apply for, as well. Our church is amazing - we've become part of the core team, and are in a new house church together! I'm in a girls' group as well, which is amazing... We're moving to a bigger building to accommodate for our growing community, and we even have kids in the children's ministry! I get to marry the most amazing man, and move into this adorable apartment (though it is kind of cold and smells like weed and cigarettes...)! I love Colorado, even when it's 0 degrees outside and I can't get warm... Our friends are here, my new family-in-law, my job, our church.... It's amazing.

Oh, love.

2009-10-03T09:56:00.001-07:00

Alissa and Coop got married yesterday.... It was so beautiful. I feel so blessed to have been a part of the day, and to have seen their relationship develop.

And we're next!

Fall.

2009-09-21T15:11:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, here it is again. Today is the last day of summer, but it snowed in the foothills. I'm ready for fall, for this new season of life to start...

Life is slower when it's cold out. Chai, coffee shops, scarves, sweaters... I just love it.

It also always reminds me of Spain. And where I've been and what I've seen and learned. It's good for me... Makes me feel peaceful.

2009-09-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

All I've written about lately is my lack of a job.

But I have one now! I'm working (only temporarily, until mid-January/February) for Denver Rescue Mission as their Donor Database Assistant. I'm so thankful for this job... It will be great experience, and I think I'll really enjoy working there. I start on Thursday, so my extended vacation is finally over!

So many good things coming up... Jenny comes to visit for a few days, Alissa and Coop are getting married in two weeks (so amazing!), and then David and I follow three months after them.

Life is good. Thanks for all of your prayers!

2009-09-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

I'm still job-less.

And really discouraged.

Life, again.

2009-08-17T12:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm home again, where I love being. Even though there are so many people that I love and miss in California, Colorado is definitely my home now. I love being able to see the mountains... They ground me. I love the storms that roll in in the evenings... I love our little church, his new apartment, my garden-level apartment that is overrun with giant bugs (and is spacious and quiet and wonderful)... I love this new coffee shop that belongs in Europe... Yeah. This is good.

There was a wedding shower on Saturday, and it was great. I felt loved and blessed, and am so excited for more times like those.

I'm being productive and telling myself that I'm on an extended vacation. If I look at unemployment that way, and know that I won't run out of money before I can find a job, then I'll be okay. Hopefully I don't get used to this lazy lifestyle... But it's good for now.

2009-07-29T21:31:00.001-07:00

Do I not have a college degree?

Do I not have skills?

Darn economic recession.

Jobs.

2009-07-22T06:53:00.000-07:00

I'm searching, searching, searching... for a job. That will start mid-August. And pay me. And not kill me. And give me time off to get married (and go on a honeymoon). And that is in Denver.
I'm talking to a few families that need a nanny... I applied with Water For People (two open positions!), but they have hundreds of applicants. That makes me a little sick to my stomach!

Anyways, prayers would be appreciated. As would suggestions.

Family.

2009-07-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

I love my family. The one that I have, and that one that I will have... It's good to belong. Being a part of such an amazing family teaches me... about life, love, everything. And I'm so lucky to get to be a part of this new family in 166 days, and to start my own little family then too.

I love that she accidentally already called me her daughter-in-law, and that my dad calls him just to chat and hear about his life, and that I get to have a sister, and just everything. It's good. I'm thankful.

2009-07-09T21:15:00.001-07:00

I have a pile of books by my bed, the promise of a bike ride on vintage bikes, and a weekend looming.

What could be better?

The new apartment makes me antsy.

2009-07-03T08:08:00.001-07:00

We signed the lease for our marriage apartment! David gets to live in it this fall... I'm jealous.

Just picture this. It smells old, the doors and windows stick, the floors are made of wood, it has doorknobs like the ones at my parents' house, the windows open in (instead of out or up!), and it has a reading nook. And it's not in Lakewood. It's in Wash Park, Denver! Oh, man, I can't wait to move in. It's perfect!

Being able to picture where we'll start our life together makes me even more antsy. Six months (from yesterday), and there are so many things I must do and think about before it comes... But I just can't wait!

I've become strangely afraid of things that never seemed to bother me before. It's weird. And it kind of inhibits me. So I need to get over it, or something... I don't really know what's wrong with me.

I need a job. I have one now, one that exhausts and frustrates me... The babies are adorable and cuddly and clumsy, but I'm ready to move on. I'm so thankful for it now, but it's hard to be in the moment when I know that I need to get another job in the next month. I also need to stop being so picky... No one finds their dream job right out of college (which I didn't), or even the fall after college. That's silly. It's also silly that I have no idea what my dream job is. I guess that's what this is, right now... Discovering myself, yet again. Gaining confidence (or not) in my abilities... I guess I should look at this as an adventure. It is kind of fun... I could do whatever I want! Except for this darn economy... Cool, parents, thanks for birthing me 22 years before a recession. I really appreciate it.

I'll just leave with you a picture of the view from our camping spot last weekend.

Tornados and working like an adult.

2009-06-18T18:44:00.000-07:00

We've been having thunderstorms (and tornado watches!) every day here for the past few weeks. Welcome to life outside of California, I guess! This is the first summer that I have ever spent away from home, and it's good for me. I miss home, and Swim & Gym, and my friends, and family, and farmer's markets, and everything. But I love this place and these people, and I'm really content for once. I'm totally in transition, and just want to be married and move into the most amazing apartment ever (provided we actually get it!), but I'm thankful that I am where I am. These roommates are good, as are the friends that live a short bike ride away, and the fact that David is across the street is great too. And though my job isn't my favorite, it's a job and I'm learning a lot. Strangely enough.

I love the weekends, and garage sales and the farmer's market (that has one fruit stand. ONE!). And riding my bike, and smiling. And cuddling, and planning this big party that's happening in January (the 2nd, to be precise!). And hearing Spanish spoken all day, and learning how to raise a baby, and letting my pride fall by the wayside. And learning that it's okay to work just to work, and to be thankful that I have a job that pays above minimum wage.

And I bought David's computer (with my graduation money!), and it's beautiful. Hurray! I'm optimistic about life, and it's not even Friday yet!

And Samuel is coming in one week, and I'm so excited. We're going to have so many adventures!!

Dreams.

2009-06-12T06:50:00.001-07:00

In all the craziness of finals, graduation, visits from people that I love, wedding planning, a new job, it seems that I've forgotten my dreams. I feel stuck in this place, in this job and time. And I'm not happy about that. But a visit from one of my dear old roommates yesterday rekindled in me some dreams.

So I will work on remembering who I am, why I am, and that I can work just to pay off my loans and save some money so we can GO.

2009-06-06T21:44:00.001-07:00

Bought the dress today.

Is January 2 here yet?

Living.

2009-06-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

I can't wait to be married.

On a slightly different note, I was asked today why David and I aren't living together. My coworker could hardly believe it. Clearly it's the best choice - you get to know each other before you get married (like, how he squeezes the toothpaste tube. It could be really annoying!), you have a roommate/cheaper rent, you don't make a huge mistake by marrying someone that you couldn't live with... e t c, e t c.

That makes me sad - that it's a normal thing. The thought never even crossed my mind. But my roommates (the two other engaged ones) have been getting the same questions lately. I'm glad we're not living together - it means I get to live with great friends for the time being! And I can't wait to be married, but that will come when it comes (seven months from tomorrow).

I'm reading a great book - but I don't remember what it's called right now. It's about Saddam Hussein's pilot's daughter. It's by her, and about her. So interesting. Thanks to my mom's amazing garage sale skills, that book is in my possession, along with a coffee table book by the same woman. Amazing.

2009-05-31T10:39:00.001-07:00

We made a wedding website!!

http://www.davidelise.com

2009-05-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

Will I ever find a job that I absolutely love all of the time? I guess that's not really realistic... But I still wish I could. Working with kids is super tiring. And maybe a 'real' full-time job would be better. But I get discouraged and think that I'll never actually get to do what I want to do. That's a silly thought, though, because I have absolutely no idea what I actually want to do!

I am so thankful that I have a job (for the summer), and my coworkers seem nice and the babies are adorable... And I am really glad that I'm living where I'm living, with the girls that I'm living with. It's good, and the apartment has a beautiful view that makes me feel like I'm flying when I sit in my living room. And David is still right across the street.

And it's summer!!! Which is wonderful.

So I am thankful and happy to be where I am. I just feel like I'm in such a transitional period (different job, home, roommates in two-ish months...), and that's hard sometimes.

2009-05-26T16:09:00.000-07:00

I love this picture, and the woman who took it, and the man in it with me.

Time with family, David, Jenny, roommates (new and old!), and friends has been amazing. I'm almost actually ready to start working tomorrow...

Best.

2009-05-08T07:46:00.000-07:00

Best birthday flowers I ever had.

No big deal...

2009-05-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

No big deal... I just turned in my last two assignments. Ever! It's so crazy.

Saw the new apartment... I'll live there for three months or so... And then onto another. And then another a few months after that. I am thankful for a place to lay my head, but I just wish I wasn't so transient in this time. Things are completely uncertain for the fall...

No matter how terrified I am at times of what is coming after January 1, I just wish it would get here. I don't want to move three times in the next eight months. I want to live in our apartment, together.

Change is still scary. But I am anxious for this season to pass. For my parents to get here, to celebrate graduation with those I love most, to have a week of relaxation. In a hammock.

To see old friends and new, and to start working again. To make money and save it, instead of spending it all away.

And I'm almost 22. I keep forgetting. I guess 22 is old enough, but my brain is too full today to process that in addition to everything else.

Life in Spring.

2009-04-30T09:17:00.000-07:00

This post is for Jenny.

La vida buena.

2009-04-27T20:10:00.001-07:00

Pandora(.com).

Over The Rhine (radio).

Endless hours of happiness, joy, and peace.

I can't choose a favorite song!

Okay, chosen. 'Blue Eyes' by Timmy Curran. Done.

Oh, and here comes graduation. Get me out of here.

I long for a week with my best friend and my parents... In, you know, just a little bungalow in Denver. With my own bedroom. And a hammock. A book? Maybe a movie? Hopefully the sun will be out... I'll sit in the hammock and wile the day away.

Oh, how life changes. It's so scary, and hard sometimes. But I'm thankful for those around me who support me, and us. I do love this.

Transitions...

Have always been hard for me. I always wait desperately for them to come and then cry about it later. Weird. This one, this next year, is going to be the biggest transition ever! But we get to do it together, and live in the grass and the trees and the sun... Together. Even though it will be hard... Engagement and marriage... We'll drive each other crazy. Oh, we already do! I'm excited about this. We love it. [edit: David insists that we don't drive each other crazy... Duly noted.]

Bloom is a magical place. Eh, that sounds weird. But people are sincere, in music and words and deeds, and I feel at home there. I never wear shoes, anymore, there. Even when rain turns to snow. But we remembered, yesterday, to take pleasure in the simple things. I love the encouragement that that idea is. Okay, I'll do that. Thanks!

Wishes.

2009-04-22T08:40:00.001-07:00

I wish I could start every day like today. Walking, talking, sun...

Wonderful.

Summer.

2009-04-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

I'm ready for summer. Two and a half weeks!

I love riding bikes... iced coffee... laying on the grass... garage sales... laughing...

Even when we're all working full-time like real adults, it will still be summer. And there will be a pool. And we'll live just across the street. What more could we want?

Unmotivation and love.

2009-04-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

I am entirely unmotivated today. I want nothing to do with school, work, anything. I want to make no effort whatsoever. But, life doesn't work like that. So here's what I've been thinking about lately.

Today I was listening to a radio show (not NPR, though I do LOVE NPR). The DJs were talking about marriage and diamond rings and such. One of them insisted that women will not stand for a cubic zirconium, blah blah blah. The reason he gave was that women get married "for the ring and the pageantry at the wedding". It's all for show, basically. It's all for everyone else. It's all superficial.

Nope. That's not it at all! It made me really sad... I want so much for our lives, our marriage.

I love him. I'm learning how to love him better, less selfishly. It's hard, but I'm learning.

I also love sunny days that turn into rain, walking hand-in-hand with Claire, listening to her sing made-up songs for 10+ minutes... It's so sweet. I also love weekends.

I realized a few days ago that my life will be completely, COMPLETELY, different in a year from now. I'm about to graduate college... Which means I'm done with school. Which means the routine and the way the year has worked all of my life is about to change. And then 8 months after that, we'll be married. And that's a HUGE, WONDERFUL change.

I'm excited for the advice people have to give us. If you're reading this, and you have any advice for engagement/wedding/marriage, please help. Thanks.

Spring and what to do with sprouting onions.

2009-04-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

I don't normally eat onions. I can't cut them without wearing goggles or my eyes will burn like death... The consistency is weird and slimy. I really do like the taste, but don't want to have to go through the work or unforunate sliminess. However, I bought one a few weeks ago. They must've been on sale. As much as I try to eat the food that I have and not buy frivolously, I forgot about the onion in all of the excitement. Poor onion. I returned from spring break to see that he had sprouted (a lot) in the week I was gone. There's no eating him now, I thought.

What to do with a sprouted onion? It's raining today, and spring is finally sprung.

So... I planted the onion. Maybe he'll grow.

Spring and sprouts remind me of the resurrection. We read all four accounts of it this morning... After dark Friday, I can't wait for our celebration tonight.

I am greatly looking forward to this summer... Fresh fruit, garage sales and flea markets, yoga with friends, devouring books with no motivation except my own, speaking/hearing Spanish... all of it. Being a college graduate will be a plus too.

2009-04-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].

Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.

Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.

This has been my life; I found it worth living.

- Bertrand Russell

I found this quote today and thought it appropriate. It's how I want to live my life.

Anyways, I said I would write more about spring break. I'd have to say it was the best one ever, though not as relaxing as I had hoped before it began. He proposed to me and I said yes. And screamed a lot. I was completely surprised, which was sweet. We spent hours and days with my family, and it was the perfect start to life. I feel so blessed to get to know this man, to spend time with him, laughing and talking and driving and just everything.

And now it's hard to return to school... classes and work and work again and homework and sleep and everything that just seems to get in the way of life. I just want to sit in this - to know him better and learn all that I want and need to learn.

I'm so excited to see where God leads us. What he teaches us through each other and through life. I'm so excited that I get to live life along with David.... It's gonna be fun.

2009-04-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

I can hardly believe it. David and I are engaged! And I'm so happy.

Love is an interesting thing. A wonderful thing. And I'm learning more and more about it, how to love and how to receive love.

I'll write more later.

Snow day!!

2009-03-26T10:17:00.000-07:00

Today is a snow day! Amazing. It's beautiful and peaceful and I love it.

My first snow day ever.

Jobs.

2009-03-25T21:04:00.001-07:00

Oh, I have a job. And I think I'll like it.

Spring break starts tomorrow at 5:30pm for me... And it couldn't have come sooner!

Tea.

2009-03-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

Since I got sick on Thursday, I've been rediscovering the joys of tea. Last night I had a cup of 'Tension Tamer' (which is delicious despite the lame name), and found this quote on the back of the box.

It's talking about wildflowers...

"We can only hope to be like them, serene, aware, confident, surely born of simply sun, water and time".

And that reminds me of Matthew 6, where it talks of the lilies of the field. "They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you?" (Matthew 6:28-31)

I'm always glad for reminders.

out of here.

2009-03-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

I bought my cap, gown, and tassel today. I guess it's official - I'm graduating in two months.

And now I just want to go. To India, to Nepal, to Argentina, to Peru, to Equatorial Guinea... anywhere. And I want to live life there or here or anywhere and I want to live in life's beauty and know God and be confident and love wholeheartedly... God, myself, everyone. I want to live out all that we just keep talking about. Good intentions, knowledge... great. Let's just go.

But I guess first I need to find a job that will pay me more than minimum wage (so I can live: "livable wages"), and cheap housing and an attitude that lets me LOVE wherever I'm at.

So this weekend I will research human rights issues in the form of hunger and diseases, and I will shop at Azteca Ranch Market (and eat free samples at Whole Foods), and I will sleep in and do yoga and drink coffee.

And the week will start over yet again until it is spring break. Then I will go home and SLEEP. And eat their food. And glean their knowledge. And come back again and love this place for another month until I'm thrown out into the REAL WORLD.

And I want to love God like I always have. And have the faith of a child. And that I will learn to do again.

2009-02-27T22:31:00.000-08:00

I could probably handle life as it was today. I think I'd even enjoy it.

My candle is flickering on my 1-year-markdown-beautiful-flowers...

Muhammad Yunus, "Banker for the Poor". Read it.

I love Denver's sunny days. And all the days, but I love the sunny ones. I can't wait to live here this summer... and until further notice.

Madelyn and Kaila come tomorrow... It's been 2 1/2 years since I've seen either of them. I've changed, and so have they, and I'm really looking forward to these next few days with them.

Life as I know it.

2009-02-20T08:14:00.000-08:00

Life as I know it is about to change. Sometime soon I want to write about my whole college career... so much has happened. So much has changed. I had an interview with the Dalit Freedom Network on Wednesday... I'm not sure if anything will come of it, but it was so interesting just to be there. The woman I met was great, and she seemed pretty enthusiastic about a possible job for me (when/if money comes in), even going so far as to suggest that she might need some sort of assistant. So, if you're wanting to donate to a great non-profit anytime soon, DFN should be the one! But really - they do amazing things. They are a branch of OM and work with the Dalits (the "untouchables", the lowest caste in India). They provide schooling, healthcare, support groups, and jobs for the Dalits. They are doing amazing work, and you should definitely check them out. Oh, how I would love to be a part of that. To work for an organization like that right out of college would be amazing. But I'm trying not to get my hopes up, and still searching and sending out resumes like crazy! [If anyone has any connections with non-profits or humanitarian organizations here in Denver, let me know!] I'm just so ready to move on. I LOVE the kids I nanny for... They're so precious. They drive me absolutely crazy, but little moments keep me going.
Running with Claire on the playground
Reading with Daniel
Laughing with Katie and Jen
Having real conversations with them
Sharing my life with them
Singing along to music: High School Musical, Disney Princesses, Taylor Swift, and Coop's cd.

There's so much more that I love, but these things keep me going. And I love the things I do and the girls I live with and my friends and life right now... But I feel stagnant. The things they try to preach at us in chapel make me want to run away screaming from this place. I'm so done with force-fed Christianity... I'm already living it (I hope), and want to live it for real, in the real world. Get me out of this bubble!

Anyways... So much has happened in college, and I can't wait to read my journals and just process through it. That will have to wait, though, until May 9. I can't wait to see what's next in life!

Oh, I want to travel again. I already miss it like crazy. I'm content right now, waiting for the next chapter, but I want that next chapter to include a trip. Just one. Please? If I worked for DFN (dreamin', here), I could go to India! That would be amazing. I already listen to the Slumdog Millionare soundtrack everyday... I'm pretty much an expert on Indian culture, now.
No, but really. I would love to go there. Nepal, maybe? Peru? Africa again? We'll see.

I need to have a garage sale come May... I have too much stuff for living how I want to live.

2009-02-15T08:38:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it's already been a year.
I also can't believe it's only been a year.

2009-02-14T11:58:00.000-08:00

Today I went wedding dress shopping with some friends... What a good way to spend Valentine's Day! The friend that was looking found her dress, and she has only been engaged a week! It was beautiful and I am so glad I got to be a part of it.

I'm pretty excited for my turn... Trying to be patient and content where I'm at, which I am... but I'm also experiencing engagements and trying on dresses with my friends and roommates, and I can hardly wait. What a sweet time of life.

Love 146.

2009-02-09T10:29:00.000-08:00

www.love146.org

Margaret Walker said that [Love] “makes you big inside.” It is an ever expansion, an invitation, a freedom. Love is the greatest gift of all. Love lives in each one of us and invites others in. Love is found in the faces of mothers, fathers, friends. It lives in the hands that bring healing and end slavery. It breathes through words that give freedom and break chains. Love frees each child from a disgusting cage and whispers,

I am in a class this semester, a directed study about global human rights.

And that is all we can do. Stand together. Hold the babies and the children and show them love. And I don't yet know how to do that, how to go or stay and just love... I'm learning, I guess. And sometimes I get discouraged. Sometimes I think that I'll never be able to do that. But then I realize how much I've learned and grown in the past four years alone, and I am overcome with anticipation for what is next. And we will do it together, and we will love together.

And this: Nelson Mandela said “education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

That's all for now.

Superbowl weekend.

2009-02-01T07:59:00.000-08:00

This has been a good weekend. Homework fits into the times when we're home, in between all the times spent with people that are important to us.

I learn through this and these. I'm thankful for my friends... all of them. I'm trying to be a better friend... not so selfish and self-conscious. To love everyone, no matter what.

I love Sunday mornings... coffee in bed, yoga, reading... I should get some homework done, but I have better things to do!

I love living with five other girls. I'm going to miss this when it ends... I'm going to miss these girls. I hope that I can be intentional when college is done, intentional enough to spend the time that I need to with the people that I love.

This is a good semester. Busy, but less busy... I'll do fine in my classes and focus on my friends and the people that I love. Oh, and finding people to live with and a job, too. That'd be good.

[I love Janae's playlist for after her shower... She's a good playlist-maker!]

Also, superbowl weekend last year was when everything started. The most stressful and traumatic weekend of my life, the best one that led to the best thing. I wanted to say that I can't believe how far we've come, but I can't because it seemed to lead to this all along.

2009-01-25T19:50:00.000-08:00

I love Bloom, my church. It's honest and deep and so good.

www.bloomworship.com

Sun & Snow.

2009-01-25T12:01:00.000-08:00

There has been sun and snow in the last week... This is why I love Colorado.

I love free sample days at Whole Foods, amazing movies that make me want to go to India, tea, coffee, gray skies, blue skies, sleeping, yoga (yogalates!), inspirational classes, Bloom (worship, people, the series), green dresses, scarves, him, roommates, candles, pier 1 75% off sales, CBC friends, missing Uganda, 18 degree weather, being a part of history this week... and so much more.

StrengthsQuest

2009-01-18T20:07:00.000-08:00

My StrengthsQuest results were:

Empathy
Developer
Connectedness
Belief
Input

Has anyone ever taken this before? What were your top five strengths?

"Shall We Dance"

2009-01-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

I watched "Shall We Dance", the movie with Richard Gere and Susan Sarandon, once last semester and once over break (with David's mom). It's not that I love the movie, though it is interesting, it's just that one quote struck me and has stuck with me these past few weeks.

"We need a witness to our lives. In a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

I like that. I know that's not all of it, by any means, but I like the way it's said, and what it makes me think and realize. I believe that there is much more to it, more that people strive towards and ways in which to glorify God. But it makes me think.

I went to a retreat in the mountains this weekend... And that is part of the reason I love living in Colorado. The mountains are so beautiful. I love the crisp air, the endless trees and snow on the ground and hills and valleys and everything. I love breathing up there. I wish we had had more time, less time in meetings and more time to just be in the air, but I'll take what I can get.

I get to take StrengthsQuest today for my Senior Seminar class. I keep hearing about it, and it has made me quite curious. I'll post my findings later.

Today.

2009-01-15T11:28:00.000-08:00

I just want to be better about being intentional with people. That's what this semester needs to be, as I have a bit more free time than last semester. I realize that I feel pulled in different directions all the time... but there are relationships that are really important to me that I want to make time for. Especially roommates and girl friends. So starting this weekend, I'm going to be purposeful about pursuing those friendships. I won't let my insecurities get in the way!

Retreat this weekend... and another in three weeks.

House church every other week... So much fun. I love getting involved in things and in people's lives outside of the CCU bubble.

I paid off one of my loans today... Pretty exciting. It feels good to be a responsible adult.

I'm nervous about my living situation and job after graduation...

2009-01-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

postsecret.blogspot.com

2008-12-30T22:16:00.000-08:00

hello.

just wanted to say that i love being home. a lot. my family is the best. ever.

but i miss him... a lot. it's not fun being apart, that's for sure. i don't want to be mushy gushy, but i'm just being honest. i don't know what else to say, so if you want to know, ask me.

i think i'm working through a lot of things. things that should've been worked through months ago... but i was and am scared to think about them, delve into myself and understand why i feel and think the way i do, especially the ways in which i've felt and thought lately.

i'm trying to trust God. with everything. there are so many changes coming up in my life... it's scary. and so exciting. i'm torn in different directions... but trying to trust God with all of it, completely.

oh, i just love to read. i've read three books since i've been home, and i'm about to devour another. i'm already making a (huge) list of books to read after i graduate!

i'm going to try to stop and see the beauty in everything and everyone tomorrow. yes.

dance.

2008-12-15T18:31:00.001-08:00

I just miss swing-dancing.

That's all.

cleaning spree.

2008-12-13T16:06:00.001-08:00

i just went on the first cleaning spree of my life. i think it was a mixture between the darkening sky, the impending snowstorm, over the rhine station on pandora, and the lack of desire to get homework done. the house smells good now, at least. and the bathroom is clean!

i love having a sort-of-family here in colorado. i love being in college and living with people my own age, but it's nice to spend the night in a home, with parents. to eat real food and do family activities. i'm appreciating it more and more as the months go on.

one more week of the second-to-last semester of college. wow. i love people here... but i'm ready to be done with ccu. i'm ready to go into the real world, and stop having my faith fed to me. it makes me want to puke it back up again... and that i have. let me OWN it!

we have a tiny fake christmas tree here... i love the christmas season. but it's hard that i'm so busy right up until christmas... because i wish i could stop and think. think and be and talk to God about it. instead of getting force-fed american consumerism in the christmas season... not to be trite, but that's not what it's about.

oh, how i'm learning. lots of things. how i relate to the world and those around me.

his mom said that if i was a color, i'd be sunny yellow. mm. and he'd be electric blue. ha! true that.

ps: the flobots. good stuff. i was going to post some lyrics from a song from their album 'fight with tools', but i couldn't choose one song. so visit their website, listen to the tracks, read the lyrics... www.flobots.com. yeah denver band!

2008-12-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

i have to say, i'm really glad that it's the weekend. it's a beautiful day!

i love drinking coffee and talking with people about things that we share and love...

i'll be home in eight days. with david. i'm so excited!

almost all that's left is finals. no big deal, really. i've stopped caring at this point, i guess. oh well.

this has been a hard semester. i'm ready to leave it behind and finish college! i'm terrified and ecstatic for what comes next...

i want to sleep a lot on break. and read real books. and talk to people... and go to every coffee shop that i can find. and prepare for next semester... last one of college!

2008-12-05T18:47:00.000-08:00

this week has been so good. one morning i woke up and decided to choose joy... and it's made such a difference. i have a long way to go, but i feel like myself. happy and crazy. it's been snowing, and i do love the snow... it means it's finally christmastime. i'll be sad to be away from here for christmas, but happy to be home at the same time.

we've been having so many adventures lately. cutting down trees from forests in the middle of the night (one tree, and it was legal. don't worry), chili's for brunch with free money, apartments, tuxes (i love men's wearhouse. weird), snow, driving, watching wall-e (love it!)... everything.

i got an A on that huge research paper. i'm pretty proud of it... weird, but because i've never been that great in school, it's a big deal when i find something that i'm good at and i love.

i love my roommates. curls in the morning, sugar + peanut butter under the couch (don't love that, actually), crazy everything.

i'm off to watch 'a white christmas'. and i'm so thrilled to see what the future holds!

home.

2008-11-25T18:12:00.001-08:00

if home is where the heart is then my home is where you are...

just sayin'.

but anyways, i'm at home in california, and it's good. it's nice to get a break, see my family and friends and get to catch up on everyone's life. but though this place is so familiar, and it's where i grew up and where so many people that i love are... colorado is my home now. the home i have chosen for myself, to live.

i can't wait to get back to my house and roommates and david and snow... all i want to do is ice-skate in the snow. and drink tea while watching the snow fall. (school? work? no thanks.)

2008-11-19T17:51:00.000-08:00

today i finished my research paper. it's like my baby... despite the fact that even bound, it is laying on the floor. but i'll turn it in tomorrow... probably the best paper i've ever written.

i want to go to guatemala. perhaps i'll flee this place (on may 10, 2009) and go there. i'll perfect my spanish, play with children, learn about their culture, battle corruption... all the things i love to do.

today, because i finished my research paper, i took myself out to dinner. i got myself a book from the library and took myself to atlanta bread, where i sat in a booth for an hour. it was delightful.

i like simple things like that. simple, yet out of the ordinary. stir up my life.

i'm looking forward to going home. maybe it will balance me out again... though i do feel so much more like myself than last week and the week before, i'm still wrestling. maybe the california air will clear my senses and i'll breathe again.

2008-11-14T07:27:00.000-08:00

it's my fourth real winter, and i'm still absolutely delighted at the first snowfall. it's late this year, but finally here!

i love snow. i could sit inside all day and watch it falling. good thing i have someone to watch it with me this year!

2008-11-04T08:29:00.001-08:00

since my roommate grabbed the shower before i did, i thought i'd write on here. again.

yesterday was a tough day. because of all the stuff about sam and uganda, i didn't have time to really eat breakfast or have my morning coffee (which, thanks to my apparently addictive nature, i have become addicted to), i had a pounding headache all day that wouldn't go away with the help of ibuprofen. a headache and the loss of hope in humanity is not a good way to spend a day.

but, after talking and praying with some of the girls from the team, i felt better. and then a simple hug from the only man for me, i felt even better and slept soundly, without dreams.

how amazing is that while he and i have these weird jokes and sayings from that far-off place, we can also process and share joys and heartbreaks together? though it's true that he doesn't react nearly the same as i do, he still understands without me having to explain anything to him. (people don't understand how we talk to each other sometimes... just know that we're not being rude, we're being ugandan. ha.)

i talked to his sister's boyfriend last night, and felt so lucky to have david here with me. however much i'm sad when he goes away for the weekend, he comes back to me. and though we'll be apart for a week soon and two weeks soon after that, we get to come back here and be together and after that, who knows when we'll have to be apart again?

patience. that's what i learn all the time.

the yellow leaves are falling outside, and maybe the smell that invades my senses when i step out of the door is fall again. it's november 4 (election day! finally, it's over.) and it still hasn't snowed. i love the seasons. i can't wait for the beginning of each.

africa.

2008-11-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

i feel like someone just died. and in a sense, he did. my view of him did. the man that joked with us, lead us in bible studies every morning, took care of us, gave us advice, and loved us... isn't who we thought he was.

www.dorcaschildrenshome.blogspot.com

is there anywhere in africa that isn't corrupt? i'm discouraged...

i'm discouraged for myself and the fact that i know even less what i want to do with my life. i can't handle the corruption and sadness and hopelessness of africa...
i'm discouraged for ash and the fact that her trip that she was planning to take back to dorcas (uganda) this summer has fallen apart with a simple email.
i'm SO discouraged for chris and kami. they gave so much of themselves to this home and those boys...
i'm so sad and discouraged for the girls (and boys) at dorcas. what are they going to do?

i don't understand. i'm mad and i'm sad and i feel like i've just lost someone. and i have.

malaria.

2008-10-30T08:14:00.001-07:00

i can't believe i'm writing about class. environmental science class, at that. but here goes.

malaria.

do you know joyce and benjamin? sam? beatrice? rachel's sister (can't remember her name...)? they all had malaria when i met them, or contracted it when i was with them. and i didn't get it. because i took doxycicline that my parents paid for, a mosquito net (kindly provided to me, while the kids i was living with had nothing), and bug spray. (crazy strong bug-spray that i buried in my drawer because it is too powerful and it scares me)

but joyce... for some reason, all during class today, as we were talking about ddt and malaria, i couldn't get joyce and her son benjamin out of my head.

joyce. she's a mother of two children, beautiful children. she is educated and speaks great english. and lives in an idp camp. has lived there for five years. that's too long once the war has ended and most of the camp has left. her eyes pleaded with me, as i looked like (and am) a wealthy muzungu (white person). i asked her name and tried to make conversation. she was holding benjamin... i asked her how many children she had. she said "two". and i asked what the little one in her arms was called and how old he was. she answered "his name is benjamin. he's one... but he has malaria". the little boy didn't even look at me, just laid his head down on his mama's shoulder and sighed.

benjamin has probably already died. his mother had no money to bring him to the hospital, and no money for the anti-malarial drugs that he needed. so this relatively educated woman, forced to live in an idp (internally displaced persons) camp, lost her baby boy to malaria. malaria is treatable... with medicine. and if ddt hadn't been banned in the 1960s, benjamin may have lived. malaria may not have been a problem.

it took 25 years for us to completely eradicate malaria in the united states and other more developed nations. the millions of deaths per year could be just a distant memory if only we would care more about humans than we do about birds. (the reason ddt was banned was because people thought that birds' eggshells were thinning because of the pesticide and those baby birds were consequently dying).

i do think that we have a responsibility to care for creation... exercise stewardship over the totality of creation. but i honestly believe that a human life should come before the thinning of the eggshells of peregrine falcons.

this is good, what the world health organization is doing. but no changes have really been made, and the environmentalists who care more about birds than they do about humans persist in winning this war. ddt works! and yes, there are environmental risks to using it... so if it's so bad, let's find a different strain or another cure, or just use smaller amounts so we can save so many lives.

by the way, don't believe all that you hear about how bad ddt is. it's really not as bad as rachel carson made it out to be in her book a silent spring.

this is just what i'm thinking about. (that picture isn't benjamin, but this little one has the same expression that he did).

i live here.

2008-10-27T18:41:00.000-07:00

i live here.
http://www.i-live-here.com

i read some of it in comparative politics class today, instead of listening. (do i usually listen? no.) and two and a half hours later, i'm still sitting in it. it's probably innappropriate to cry in class, so here i sit. with tears in my throat, aching to come out. i looked over my uganda pictures again, looked into their eyes. the fact that i've been to and/or affected deeply by people from three out of the four of the countries documented in this book... kinda gets me.

burma.

malawi (africa).

juarez (mexico).

when ye ye points to burma (myanmar) on my map and says "green!" because it's her favorite color, after taking my hand and laughing and leading me on a tour of my own home...

when philipo, not an orphan, cries desperately to be held... when a six year old girl smashes her hand in a water pump and her family is silent against her screams of pain...

when four trips to mexico during my teenage years changes the course of my life...

when i read this book and i realize that what i want to fight for is right and just and true. and i don't know how to do this. i feel stuck in school... too busy to do what i want to do. i'm scared but so ready to graduate. how can i make money to pay rent and eat and save some for the future (!) doing a job i love and am passionate about? where do i find that? i'm scared of not finding it, and always feeling like i'm moving towards it but never reaching it..........

i don't even know what it is i want. want to do. sometimes i feel like i know nothing.

how to live it out now? i'm tired. and shouldn't be. my priorities are not right most of the time... i wish i could make them right.

would leaving again help me figure it out? should i just go and sit in the red dirt and hold a naked child and figure it out there? i want to. but that's so hard for me. i don't know. i'm scared. and absolutely thrilled.

take me. send me. anywhere.

2008-10-04T22:46:00.000-07:00

i love this. it's hard and messy and sometimes i cry and am irrational and sometimes he drives me crazy... but i love laughing and talking and walking and sitting and thinking and dreaming and everything that comes. and i trust God and i'm scared sometimes... of so many different things. but it's ok! i get to see him everyday and we get to explore together and know each other and even though it's hard, i love it.

flowers and dressing up make me feel feminine. but so do children. and he does. and walking barefoot with a skirt on.

sometimes i walk barefoot through the sand in the volleyball courts on campus because i miss the beach.

i love the weekends. they end up being time to do nothing... and homework. i'm totally ok with that.

the leaves are changing. fall is coming. i love getting to be a part of so many different lives... my kids, in all their times of life... i love it. i love when claire sleeps on my shoulder and wakes up crying for only me and the other kids call me their second mom. i'm nowhere near ready to be a mom, but for this time, i treasure that.

i can't wait to live in a little apartment decorated with everything from everywhere... next to a bakery or a little market, and walk around, and buy my food fresh in the mornings, and have big windows, and read books, and survive on doing what i love to do... and live in a home full of love and laughter and open doors.

i love baby muzungu. my car. i'm so thankful that i have her to drive to golden every weekend and sit by the river... to stick my feet in the freezing water to snap myself out of it and realize that all i need is to pray. and i just love driving... with music and without.

"are you tired? worn out? burnt out on religion? come to me. get away with me and you'll recover your life. i'll show you how to take a real rest. walk with me and work with me - watch how i do it. learn the unforced rhythms of grace. i won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly". matthew 11:28-30.

jon foreman... on repeat.

2008-09-28T20:42:00.000-07:00

Heavenly FatherYou always amaze meLet Your kingdom come in my worldAnd in my lifeGive me the food I needTo live through todayForgive me as I forgiveThe people that wrong meLead me far from temptationDeliver me from the evil oneI look out the windowThe birds are composingNot a note is out of tuneOr out of placeI walk to the meadowAnd stare at the flowersBetter dressed than any girlOn her wedding daySo why should I worry?Why do I freak out?God knows what I needYou know what I need!Your love isYour love isYour love is strongThe kingdom of the heavensIs now advancingInvade my heartInvade this broken townThe kingdom of the heavensIs buried treasureWould you sell yourselfTo buy the one you've foundTwo things you told meThat you are strongAnd you love meYes, you love meYour love isYour love isYour love is strongYour love isYour love isYour love is strongOur God in HeavenHallowed be Thy nameAbove all namesYour kingdom comeYour will be doneOn earth as it is in HeavenGive us, today, our daily breadForgive us weary sinnersKeep us far from our vicesAnd deliver us from these prisons

colorful colorado

2008-08-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

i'm back in colorado. it's sunny and rainy, and i love it. i'm coming to terms with my fickle personality... desperately crave time alone, independence... i love it during the day. but then once the sun sets, my heart grows lonely and i miss my family. i'm thankful for the people in my life that during those times talk to me, let me just sit with them. somehow it's better to sit with someone, doing the same things that i would be doing alone.

i'm getting my vacation right now. three-ish days of no concrete plans... there are many things i could be doing, but nothing that is imminent.

i get up when i wake up, make fruity surprise oatmeal and a pot of coffee, and sit on my porch either reading, enjoying the silence and huge tree, or spying on campus.

laura and i found a farmer's market in golden that happens every saturday morning... new tradition! it's right by the river... and i can get my weekly strawberry fix :)

i also love free things.

...iwanttogobacktoafrica...

it's like a smalltown around here.

2008-07-26T17:18:00.001-07:00

i love this.

i love strolling through farmer's market every thursday with friends and family, downing free samples of fruit and delicious treats, haggling for organic strawberries, and buying cheap flowers from isaac.

i love buying strawberries from gerardo at the side of the road on saturday afternoons. (because yes, i have already finished those six baskets of strawberries that i bought two days ago)

i love sitting at canyon coffee and watching everyone on the street greet each other.

i love anticipation. adventures. spontaneity. naps in the middle of the day. rethinking the thoughts that have been the norm for 21 years. thinking for myself.

i love discovering someone. continuing to discover him over three continents and many months. and that's just so far. i love exploring the world with him.

i love that this summer, my parents have been married for 25 years and my grandparents for 50. i have a lot to live up to.

i love that i got to go to africa. and no matter how hard it was, i still am so thankful for all that i experienced and learned. i want to go back, for longer.

i love that i've had the opportunity to travel already. that i've already experienced so much. i love that i'm already looking forward to the next one... but don't worry mom, i'll settle sometime. ...maybe...

i love reading books. books that i want to read, that aren't for class. but i love that most of the books i read for classes are interesting.

i love that i have one more year of college. wow, what's next?

2008-07-02T18:01:00.001-07:00

i'm in california. i'm sorry it's been so long since i updated, but life is crazy. full of surprises and dreams and disappointments and excitement.

uganda was... well, i guess just ask me sometime. maybe i'll post pictures to describe it. sometimes it's too hard to use words.

life changes. ups and downs and all-arounds... i'm just glad i get to work with kids that occupy nine hours of my day.

don't worry, i'll post more soon.

hosanna.

2008-04-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

heal my heart and make it clean
open up my eyes to the things unseen
show me how to love like You have loved me

break my heart for what breaks Your's
everything i am for Your kingdom's cause
as i walk from earth into eternity...

we're up to veinte-uno in flashcards.

2008-04-23T19:26:00.001-07:00

thanks to the best spring break road trip ever, i discovered derek webb. all his songs make me think, and remind me of the things that i have already thought.

i want to always live right around the corner from something big... and to be a part of it.

i'm realizing how many opportunities and blessings i really do have... i already have too many things that i could be a part of next year. what a change from last year! it's amazing to invest extensive time in someone, especially kids. i'll be working with the same kids that i've worked with the past two summers again this summer, and i'm finally excited about it. the brady's said that even though i could only work 10 hours next year, they still want me. i love those kids. i love knowing them, and sharing bits of my life with them. i hope that i can teach them something... as they teach me daily.

i draw crappy chalk stick figures, i run barefoot through flowers, i play with rolie-polies (pill bugs? potato bugs? i asked my brit lit teacher today... she didn't know either), i chase boys on scooters with a backpack full of procrastinated homework, i sing loud and proud with open windows to the high school musical 2 soundtrack, i play with barbies, my feet are always dirty, i tie soccer cleats, i stop and smell the flowers, i run through sprinklers... and i love it.

apparently i've had overseas experience. tammy asked me, today, to describe those experiences. i did, and i remembered that i love that i got lost alone in the middle of paris in the middle of the night... that i held my own for three months in spain... that i did it all. that all i had was God. when all that i could cling to was God, i clung desperately. and He was there. He was there the whole time... sometimes it's hard to see Him like that in this context... and sometimes i wish i could go back just to be reminded. and because i miss those places. He revealed Himself in such different ways in every place i've been, and...

i'm getting so antsy to leave for uganda. 20 days. it's been months away for, well, months, but now it's almost here. i'm ready. i can't wait to see how He reveals Himself there, too. to see what happens.

today.

2008-04-16T18:53:00.001-07:00

yeah.
this reminds me of the future. is that possible?

i ate this for dinner on monday. they spilled across the counter and i thought of when daniel (7 years old) asked me what the peace symbol on my nalgene was. (today i taught daniel to count to ten in spanish, and we did his flashcards in spanish. and i realized how much of an impact i can have and have had on these kids. and that maybe i could teach them things that their parents can't.)

welcome to colorado in april. the trees are blooming, the robins are nesting, and it is snowing. oh, and i wear flip-flops in the snow now.

i forgot to wear sunscreen yesterday, and am now sunburnt. but it's snowing outside right now... i feel like after a few weeks of summer, i've fallen back into winter. good thing i still get excited about snow, like i did three years ago when i left california for that far off land somewhere north of lakewood.

i am inspired often. by books, by people, by the weather, by what we talk about in class... i love learning. i love being reminded of my potential.

in a few weeks, i'll be 21. and then comes uganda. i'm excited. i wish i could think of better words to use to describe what i'm feeling... it's a very full feeling. after almost a month in uganda (holding babies, playing with kids, blowing bubbles, reading books...), we get to spend a while in amsterdam. i was looking at hostels online earlier, and realized how much i do miss europe. it's part of my heart now. that happens to me, i guess. i wish i could live there again, but this time i would bring someone with me. and then the loneliness would not be there, and i could take europe in fully, and be fully myself. (i really do miss it a lot when i let myself)

music (paper bird at this very moment), coffee brewing noisily, a cup of good earth tea, snow falling softly outside, and a dark apartment.

it smells like a coffee shop in here, and i just realized that that may be one of my favorite smells.

eso es

2008-04-11T14:41:00.000-07:00

apparently i just really like creating blogs. i'll start one, post on it once or twice, and then create another one. i'm going to try to stick with this one.

one month from tomorrow, and i've already started to pack. i'm sitting in my living room, looking at my map of the world. it feels good to own that map, for some reason. it'll move with me from home to home...
this year has brought new dreams... many of them. i want to go everywhere. i have no idea what this feeling of preparation is for... this feeling of great anticipation. God is showing me that when I trust Him, He really does do things that I couldn't even have imagined.

i'm listening to anberlin... haven't listened to them in a while. the song "time and confusion" is interesting... and when i say interesting, it's kind of how i'm feeling right now. they're singing the thoughts that i haven't been able to formulate yet.

"It's not about the money we make
It's about the passions that we ache for
What makes your heart beat faster?"
...etc...

i'm thankful. and excited. somedays the excitement turns into worry... but mostly, i'm excited. and trying to learn not to worry so much!

i can't wait...
to explore uganda.
to let children play with my hair.
to hug them.
to read books to them, and then give them those books to keep.
to teach them what i can.
to learn from them what they have to teach me.
to sleep on the floor, encased in a mosquito net.
to love.
to feel my heart expand.
to feel my heart break.
to dance! and sing!
to be dirty.
to find beauty in everything.
to smile.
to cry.
to learn.
to realize.
to plan.
to grow.
to dance in the rain.
to be covered in red dirt and laughter and love.

a song that i listen to over and over again is "do you feel" by the rocket summer. makes me think.

quiero hablar mas español. gracias a los que me hablan en español. me pone feliz.

confio en Dios.